Being Good Enough and Change

Last week we went out to dinner with Bridger's boss.  He said he would either take Bridger and I to a nicer restaurant or the entire family out for pizza.  Bridger had heard that he talks to me or the kids the whole time and thanks us for letting Bridger do what he needs to do for State Farm.  I didn't think I could pull off a successful "your welcome" so I opted to let the whole family go out to dinner.  Can you tell I am still bitter about the move?  He did tell the kids there would be times when Bridger would need to work a lot.  He gave all the kids a personalized handwitten note thanking them for moving to Omaha and a $2 bill.  It was nice. They were better behaved than they normally are at a restaurant, and I didn't have to fake a your welcome. 
Bridger and I went on our first date here in Omaha.  We went to Maggie Moo's for ice cream and then went to a bookstore to look at books.  There is so much to do here in Omaha! I love all the stores, I just don't have time to go to them.  It is a nightmare taking the little boys with me, so unless I am shopping by myself, it isn't so fun.  It was so nice to get away and do something fun and not have kids for a little bit of time.  We let the kids watch themselves.  Kjerstin and Brynna have recently brought their sibling rivalry to full on physical level.  It was a gamble letting them watch themselves.  It will have a steep learning curve.  I read so many blogs where women say they take their mothering seriously.  It makes me feel guilty wondering what more I could do to be a more conscientious mother.  I don't feel like it comes naturally to me.  I then read this which seemed to be an answer to my inadequacy.

"Julie Beck blew me away with this statement.
“And for all you women who say you’ll never be enough? Well, that is true.”
There was a long pause and then she continued, “But it’s okay. Because we have the Atonement in our lives. And the Savior makes up the difference for all our inadequacies and imperfections, the things we miss and regret, the things we need help doing. Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, and his power in our lives, will get us through the difficult journey.” So maybe we ought to stop saying it. That we’re not enough.Because she’s right. We’re not. And we won’t be. And that is okay. We give it our best go, and most of the time, it will be good enough." 

I went to several graduation open houses this week.  This is an event I have previously never heard of or attended so I was unsure what to expect.  I am still experiencing things totally new to me. I seem to be looking for something similar so I can find my footing on the same ground.  I need to open up my palate so to speak to experience the wide range of new flavors Omaha has to offer!

One more week

  I got lost in the Costco parking lot yesterday.  I have no mountains here to help me figure out which direction I am pointing.  I totally thought I parked in another area of the parking lot and thought someone had stolen my car.  I called Bridger and then started walking in another area just so I could say I checked the whole lot and I found my car.  Can you say embarassing? 

I have had ants in my house, too which is driving me crazy!  I spend some time everyday battling them.  I have sprayed the foundation outside our house.  I think I can add exterminator to my job description list as a mom.  My kids pray at night that we won't find any more ants in our house.  Our neighbor said he has some every year but this year is worse, probably due to the mild winter.  The spiders are icky, too.  They are bigger and hairier-maybe I just imagining that, but it seems everything grows well here. 

Bridger surprised me by taking the day off on Friday to help me (for my mothers day present- who would want that besides a organized crazy like me :).  We went to the DMV.  I got some unpacking done while he watched the boys in the afternoon and he was home early enough so we could go to the elementary carnival that night. I remember my "first real mothers day."  It was awesome!  Bridger totally pampered me, then a reality sunk it that, "Crap, I have to do all THAT for fathers day now!"  I have totally backed off now.  I don't want to sit and enjoy if Bridger can't sit and enjoy with me so I try to do it very simple. 

One more week done in Omaha.  It goes fast and slow.  I feel like we have been here forever but it still doesn't have the same comfort level for me.  Kjerstin said she is starting for forget what our house in Idaho looks like.  I still break down and cry at least once a week, too.  Bridger told me to expect a year and a half adjusting time.  That makes me wish it would go faster so it would be easier.  I will enjoy having the kids out of school in 8 days to keep me company during the day.  Their last day of school will mark a month, another milestone to cross and say we have made.  That is good!  Just like passing each mile marker on a marathon.  I will get there eventually!

A Culture Lesson

This week has been a cultural experience for me.  It started Monday.  At 9pm, our doorbell rang.  We went to the door and found a container of popcorn and candy with a note that said, "Happy May Day!"  Bridger went to work on Tuesday (May 1st) and found a mug full of popcorn and candy and note that said, "Happy May Day!"  Brynna brought home a bag from school from a friend full of you guessed it... popcorn and candy with a note that said, "Happy May Day."  Bridger asked a co-worker about it.  I guess in Nebraska May Day is a big deal.  Wikipedia says, "May Day was also celebrated by some early European settlers of the American continent. In some parts of the United States, May Baskets are made. These are small baskets usually filled with flowers or treats and left at someone's doorstep. The giver rings the bell and runs away. The person receiving the basket tries to catch the fleeing giver. If they catch the person, a kiss is exchanged."  I am glad we didn't catch our mysterious givers!  It is so interesting to see the customs of a certain area.  I think when I was a kid I danced around the May Pole at school once or twice and that was it! 
That evening we were given a light show in the night time sky which has continued every night this week.  Bridger then gets up in the morning and checks the internet to see what joys the storm has brought with it that are associated to his job.  It is very interesting.  The humidity has set in.  It is between 70 and 80% humidity and temperatures are in the 80's.  I caved in and have been running the A/C non-stop.  It is so humid that people mow their lawn here twice a week!  I don't know if I can keep up with that! 

I also made it to the little tiny grocery store in Gretna.  It will do in a pinch but I need to brave Omaha so I don't pay $3.50 for a gallon of milk.  I got to help with the Young Women's fundraiser this week.  I will teach for the first time next week.  I have bookshelves assembled!  Now I need to fill them up!  That should help eliminate my basement of boxes.  I also cleaned (deep cleaned) for the first time).   For me, there is nothing like cleaning something that makes it feel more like it is yours.  Lucky for me, with 5 kids, it always needs cleaning!  I will soon feel so at home that I will need a vacation to Idaho! 

The Good Life

Well, we made it.  We are in Nebraska.  I find it ironic that the state motto is "The Good Life."  It is like it has been here waiting for me and I didn't even know it z(my maiden name is Goodliffe).  The kids did AMAZING on the trip!  Gideon never cried because he was sick of being in the car.  Having 2 cars to divide the kids worked wonders.  Kjerstin screamed as we drove across the Nebraska border.  She is also quoted as saying, "I forgot to take my last breath of Idaho air."  I have to say, the things I have heard about Wyoming are all true.  There is not much to look at (at least along the freeway).  It has been nonstop since we got here.  I am wondering if I will ever get this house unpacked.  The storage space is different (as it is with most houses).  We purchased $500 in shelving to put in, but it didn't make it in and I am not sure Bridger will have time with his work duties.  I think I will have to do it! Ah!  I am uncertain about my building abilities.  I have already received and been sustained as the Beehive advisor in our branch.  I have also decided that I think I prefer to pack myself.  The packers did a great job and we have found few broken items, but I can't find anything.  I couldn't even find a pencil for the kids to do homework the first night.  Both Bridger and I commented that it has never been this bad unpacking.  I don't know if that is because we have more kids and more stuff or what the reason is exactly.  The kids seem to be doing okay in school and adjusting.  It is interesting how different schools are everywhere.  I am impressed with the longer school days, dedicated music and art class rooms and having these classes given more often.  Kjerstin complains that she only has 1 recess right now before lunch.  But I think that is small complaint (as is my different storage areas complaint).  She was disappointed that she did all of Idaho's test and now she and Corban have to do Nebraska's since they are enrolled in the school district in the month of April.  We have met some very nice neighbors.  We have made our first Costco trip and our first Walmart trip.  I even drove to the airport without getting lost.  I think we are settling in.  It is Sunday and I had to take a nap today.  I think the unpacking demands are more than I realized.  I swear I am taking more steps daily in this house.  I don't know if it is just because I am unpacking or because the house is bigger but it feels like everything is so far apart. There are some boxes in every room that are misplaced and we have to move them to another room.  Everytime I leave a room, I have to think what does not belong in that room and try to multitask my walking and walking.  I think the kids like the house.  I am surprised how well they are doing without cable.  I still miss my friends and my family.  I think we will be okay here.  I even said today, "We are happy to be here"  (if I say it I will start to believe it, right?).  

Third Person

I sat in a Relief Society lesson yesterday and just wanted to cry. I watched a sister teach a lesson on temples. When this sister moved into the ward she was inactive and I was assigned to be her visiting teacher. She is not currently endowed. I read the lesson beforehand and was a little worried how she would feel about teaching it. She did so beautifully and it has been a pleasure of mine to watch her grow and flourish in the gospel. I am going to move and going to miss seeing the continued growth in her life. I am going to miss her friendship.


Two of my sisters drove to Idaho over the weekend to say goodbye.  They are trying to help me stay positive and excited.  My one sister said, "Think of this as a new chapter in your life."  I have heard and mayve even uttered this phrase before in my life.  I also love to read but have never pictured myself in the story so well as now.  As a reader I am always anxious to get onto the next chapter to see what lays in store for the heroine.  I have never wanted to stay in the same chapter in a book.  I don't know why I want to stay in this same chapter in my life and cannot express more excitement of the unknown adventure that lays before me.  I need to start thinking of myself in the third person to more accurately get a view on things in my life.  I think I am too close to the picture to see things accurately.  Cindy is going to help her little boy do a puzzle then will then clean the freezer out! (I don't know if this is working but as the song says, "Let us all press on!")

Stitches.  Daven has had stitches twice in his short 4 years of life.  His first time he was just barely one, holding onto the railing by our stairs.  He fell and hit a corner on his eyebrow.  Last week he jumped off the couch at his grandma's house onto a TV table.  The table collapsed and somehow he cut a nice gash in his lip.  We were in the ER while he was stitched up.  He will have a nice scar on his lip but everyday it looks a little better.  I guess on boys scars are battle wounds-signs of valor and courage.  From the looks of things, this little boy is going to be one decorated soldier!

The last dance

The kids had spring break last week.  It was a good opportunity to let them have one last time doing things they love.  One Monday, their Aunt Pam took them to the movies for one last time.  On Tuesday they went to their Grandma Critchfield's for one last time working on their scrapbooks with her.  On Wednesday, we went to Outer Limits with one of my friends and her kids one last time and then drove to Rexburg to see our neighbors who moved there.  On Wednesday we got together some of our other neighbors who have moved.  On Friday they got haircuts and played with friends again.  On Saturday, their cousins came into town and they got to spend time with them which was probably the best part of the week for all of them.  Bridger and I had a gift certificate to use at at local hotel with theme rooms.  We took advantage of that on Friday night and stayed in the room under the sea and watched the morning session of conference laying in bed there.  It was a good week.  I don't know why I have such a hard time with change.  I always think things are the best they can be here and I don't allow the Lord to show me what more he can give me.  I have always been blessed with more than I thought possible and need to exercise faith that once again will be the case.