Mothers Day

Mom's Brownies
Remove teddy bear from oven and preheat oven to 375.Melt 1cup margarine in saucepan.Remove teddy bear from oven and tell Jr. "no, no."Add margarine to 2 cups sugar.Take shortening can away from Jr. and clean cupboards.Measure 1/3 cup cocoa.Take shortening can away from Jr. again and bathe cat.Apply antiseptic and bandages to scratches sustained while removing shortening from cat's tail.Assemble 4 eggs, 2 tsp. vanilla, and 1-1/2 cups sifted flour.Take smoldering teddy bear from oven and open all doors and windows for ventilation.Take telephone away from Billy and assure party on the line the call was a mistake. Call operator and attempt to have direct dialed call removed from bill.Measure 1 tsp. salt, ½ cup nuts and beat all ingredients well.Let cat out of refrigerator.Pour mixture into well-greased 9x13-inch pan.Bake 25 minutes.Rescue cat and take razor away from Jr. Explain to kids that you have no idea if shaved cats will sunburn. Throw cat outside while there's still time and he's still able to run away.
FROSTINGMix the following in saucepan:1 cup sugar1 oz unsweetened chocolate¼ cup margarineTake the darn teddy bear out of the @#$% broiler and throw it awayfar away.Answer the door and meekly explain to nice policeman that you didn'tknow Jr. had slipped out of the house and was heading for the street.Put Jr. in playpen.Add 1/3 cup milk, dash of salt, and boil, stirring constantly for 2 minutes.Answer door and apologize to neighbor for Billy having stuck a gardenhose in man's front door mail slot. Promise to pay for ruined carpet.Tie Billy to clothesline.Remove burned brownies from oven.